you know what, i think were growing up...

27.2.07

fuck

besides being the best word in general, fuck is the best word to describe my life.
at least for rite now.

ive fucked up things with alexandra.
i am a bit too fucking behind on my foto assignments.
my hair is a bit too fucking big.
i bought a sweet fucking tshirt.
fuck ya im seein brite eyes on friday nite.
i have fucked thing up with alexandra.

after getting off the phone the first time, when we decided to be 'all' from 'all or nothing' i felt like something was wrong. immediately knowing not to go into it, i did. though with about five hours of debate.
the post on fucking facebook, the goddamn bane of my existence, obviously pissed off bailey. im getting to the point there where i kinda want to say screw that. i dont want to. but its getting there.
then this past weekend, alexandra and i talked and i asked for us to step back from the 'all,' which she agreed to and with, as she had noticed the weirdness that had ensued since the week before.
but then i decided to go farther.
i asked for us to move back even more significantly. like back to where my stance was when i left italy. i want to put relations with bailey on at least an amicable level. whether or not anything goes from there, well see. im not counting on it. i dont know if im hoping for it.
all of this i addressed to alexandra and she seemed, more than anything, genuinely happy that i had been honest.
truth, it seems, is the primary concern for her.
truth, it seems, is the primary problem for me.
at least to her.
so now im on the fone with her. finally.
but the last few days have been her not being happy to talk to me, which is warranted, but i still wanna talk to her. whenever i can.
i think i still mite want to be with her. put everything aside and be with her.
i think so.

illegitimus non carborundum est

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

um, WHY am i not there to sort out your life for you... because then you could sort mine out... and then we'd both be happy. why don't we just forget everyone else and run away together? except i know we won't because you're too in love with the people in your life and i'm a little more head over heels for andrew every day... but still, it's a nice thought.