life happened, thats what.

oh ya, and the whole thing that had happened was that i asked her to come to a party with me and brett, and she did, and we had a good time, and i had no expectations, but i had hopes, of just ya know, i dunno. and it didnt pan out. and i was drunk. and ive realized and acknowledged that im in love with the idea of her and maybe not her as much as i thought. but still. and it just hurt. it hurt so so bad. all i could do was start writing. i wrote on everything. the blog, myself, my wall, my journal...i dunno. sharpie everywhere. i was so hurt and so torn up and so everything. i still dont know completely why. it was just so real this time. it was so inside of me this time. i had to get it out. i need to get her out. its kinda like stepping in a lot of glass and i got the biggest fucking chunk out, but now some of the little ones are still in there and they just knick me randomly in the day, only its like my heart got rolled around in the glass instead of me stepping in it. i dunno. im figurin it out. the thing is, it has almost brought my life back together a little bit...? i know for whom i actually truly care...? well see.

i hope downunder is lovelier than way up here, where it snows in april...ugh.

whatever. its always better goin south...


illegitimus non carborundum est