so this is the thing that
i know you know:
that i love you
and i cant forget that.
i cant forget that way
i felt
the way you
made me feel.
i still know that i
made you feel too.
i felt as if i knew you whole
and as though id never
stop knowing you.
i never wanted you
to stop knowing me.
i love you, Doll,
you know that i do.
but i know the hurt
i cause, the hurt
that you leave me
though is the kind
of consistent bleeding.
The bleeding heart
i have beats only
when you will it to,
it bleeds only when
you stop the beating.
beating heart baby
you are, bledding heart baby
is what i own.
its not the one i asked for
and i dont think that
i want it anymore.
but i want you
and to know that i do
but you do know...
why dont you understand?
why dont you want me
too?
i knew
i knew youd look for
someone else but i
never thought id need
to read to know.
maybe you could
look at my eyes when i would
find out, maybe you
could have even told me
yourself.
how do you watch me hurt?
i come when you hurt
when you cry and
when you hate.
even me.
i was there
i was the first call.
you reached out
every time to me
and i have been calling
out to you.
why the fuck cant
you call back and
what the fuck
are you doing with
the kinfe?
your heart feels
each squeeze, but mine
feels my skin.
my skin feels
your heavy hand
as it slides
in a way that i
once loved but now have
learned to hate to love.
because your heavy hand
holds the fine edged
steel, the fine edged
emotion. so your heart
is squeezed, so your hand
slides off my sleeves,
so my heart feels the
bleed.
dont mind me
getting closer to the edge
as i wouldnt want
te breeze to make you
too cold.
i wouldnt ask you hand
if being swallowed in a sea
i wouldnt take your food,
starving, if it was your
favorite treat.
just give me a chance, though
thats not really your
thing,
now is it?
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
i need my mind to stop fucking with me
so please stop fucking with my mind.
____________________________

lock my soul so it doesnt get stolen
shield my heart so it doesnt get broken.
____________________________

stop loving the way i hate myself
stop letting me know that i fucking love you
____________________________

getthefuckoutofmyfuckingbloodmymindmyheartmylife
____________________________

and i hope you burn for the pain you caused
and i hope you burn long and hard
and i hope you burn for breaking my heart

and i hope you burn the way you are
and i hope you burn long and hard
and i hope you burn and see how it hurts



but no. i hope you never have to hurt. not ever again. i couldnt. i wouldnt. i never want you to feel this way. i see how we are. this nite, alone, nobody's home, well kill the stars as we fall, you wanted more than you could have, but we both want it all. i love you. stop letting me. HATE me. i want to hate you. no. i dont want to care at all. yes. im there, im at that point, i dont want to know you anymore. ill be in a place ive never known before. so where do i go? i dont even know, im lost without you.

illegitimus non carborundum est