you know what, i think were growing up...

25.7.07

paramore

lots of concerts lately.

she called me the last day jaclyn was here and said: ive never been more disappointed in you. but check the internet.
so i checked facebook and she had posted picture from her few days here.
what the hell are you disappointed in me for? because i hadnt called you in about two weeks? well maybe i have three jobs, gurl. maybe you also told me that you didnt want to talk until you were ready?
what is it with this theme about people being upset at someone else for not communicating with them when they themselves are not putting effort towards communicating? and especially when one party states that they need time before talking can start? mk...rite.
then she unfriended me and before i had even processed that as a bad thing i just try to friend request her. and the next day i got a message.

fuck you.

i didnt respond. and i havent. and i wont.
it sucks. i dont know why it does. but it does.
and i miss her. what?
i was talking with my therapist about my need to maintain communication with someone that has been that important in my life and he was really pressing me to figure out why. i cant say that i know why. but cant it be that you still love them? you dont have to be in love but i mean, when you share a bed every nite, when the best times in my life are directly connected to times with certain people, how can you lose that?

it still hurts. it shouldnt. im so happy so unbelievably grateful for who i have now but there are moments where i still imagine and hear and see the parts of alexandra that i really loved being around.

i dont think she actually was in love with me. i think i was just not an asshole like some of the other guys shes dated. i also think that im a fucking spectacle and she loved the attention that gravitated from me to her.
i loved our time. fuck spectacles.



illegitimus non carborundum est

1 comment:

Alexis said...

when do you get to the city?

my heart hurts without you.