because i can see in the dark

long photoshoot with brett and jacqui yesterday.
it was for a cute nice gurl so it was ok.
then to uptown and a walk through harlem to get to columbia to meet up with emily.
caffe swish.
architecture studios.
then to open bar with brett.
whoa.
a gurl came up to me and told me that she loved my hair.
i thought that was funny.
we ended up talking about stuff and shes into the same education reform stuff i am and is from texas. it was cool. kinda hilarious that we were drinking at the bar and then talking education policy. love it.
i was there for a "friend's" birthday and we ended up getting bottle service there. absolut. i hate absolut. it always makes me sick. it made me sick last nite too. then we went to le souk for hookah and yet another bottle service but this time grey goose. the good thing was the whole time, i paid for me and one person for taxi and a subway ride. so nice.
i ate twizzlers and animal crackers when i got home.
i woke up with a headache. that was the first time drinking had ever done that to me. the closest ive ever been to a hangover.
now papers.
and discussions.


illegitimus non carborundum est

.luce. by adamek

illegitimus non carborundum est

its like menthols
burn faster
than my the speed of my feet
its like the sun rises quicker than
i can compete
its like
you arent here
to make me complete
its like
all that i want
is a symbiotic heart beat


illegitimus non carborundum est

sleep?

illegitimus non carborundum est

flying away

so miss alexis is leaving me today.
ill miss her.
she called me.
youre the best alexis.
have the best time.
im waiting for amazing photos and skypeness.
ciao per adesso, la mia amica.

vagina monologues tonite...amazing.
bay pretty much rocked it.
and it was hilarious and so disturbing all at the same time.
from rape stories to orgasms on stage. such a mix.
however, the political insertion at the end i didnt like, about war and stuff. it tied up at the end of the little speech, but it gave the end of the show a weird feel. i wish it were different. but they did do some good stuff to recognize women who had been victims of earlier sexual offenses which i thought was very well done and well received. overall, id see it again. which is why im spending my valentines nite to see it.

happy valentines day. or happy vd.day as some of us say. really, im not against it. i think i tried to convince myself once that i was. i mean its commercial, ya, but i think that people are just cynical and "against" it to move against the mainstream. i have no problems with it. you only reinforce your own singularity. the holiday doesnt. i dunno. i dont like cynicism that isnt pragmatic. whatever.

im gunna keep researching.
someone get laid for me.
since it is valentines and all.

illegitimus non carborundum est

you called

it was intense.
i got a little scared.

there are new dots on the radar
they are flying past
and blinking low
but yours is holding in one spot
it keeps a steady glow

illegitimus non carborundum est

adorable

the ricasoli reunion reminded me
that im too in love with a place
much too far away
and that crying may in fact
be right.
how do you justify a
love that cant connect
or the waging
war of hearts
where even
eros winds up dead?
in a town thats older than
most ancient states of people
i found a safety net
that has so many holes because
it has been over used.
can the soul be so tired of searching?
can the mind be so full of phonetic thoughts?
what cant come in
is trapped from the inside
by the fleeting not of gods.
im reminded that
i cared
for even those that really
knew me not
and that they cared for the one
who wouldnt give the time.
let me
oh fucking muse of lite of mite
let me know how im supposed
to love and to labor
over easy tests of life.
it doesnt matter anymore
but it will in such due time.
those feelings dont ever make their way home
to wear i built a landscape just for them
they dont get buried in their coffins
made just the rite size.
i spose now that the boxes were just too small
for my standards keep me from allowing
exactly what i want.
its what i want
not
what you need
never is
never was
truth in any way.
i want for you
for home to be
exactly where i travel
exactly where i live
exactly inside of you.
what commenced herein
as a lyric of just recently passed memories
of tanglibles and friendships
turned to toasts of you.
i wont forget
because this will get easier for us.
i took the time
but wouldnt give it out
and now i know that i lived
more than anyone else've thought.
vorrei
a te
tornare.


illegitimus non carborundum est