da

its true, i am not registered for next semester. im trying to figure out exactly what it is i should be doing. im sure of what im doing, but my parents want me to look harder at other programs. however, i wont only be looking at public health stuff. im actually looking at photography programs at different schools, but one of them is in new york, so well see.

jaclyn leaves tomorrow to get her tonsils out on wednesday and then i leave on the 22nd. so i mite see here, after tomorrow, one or two more times. but i guess thats life. i dont like it though.

alexandra has professed her hate for me. i dont know what happened. i consciously didnt call her about visiting because i was beginning to mix too many worlds. but then we talked, she cried a little, we figured things out, and left it lovingly, understanding each others positions. we then decided that her visiting atlanta would be a good plan, but i dont know what happened. in the last week she hasnt contacted me at all except for once and it was in respose to a question. i still only got a word out of her. when we left it all and had everything splyed on the table, she seemed fine. we seemed ok. we were ok. what to do?! i dont know. but it pretty much confirms my faith is my inability to hold someone meaningful for long enough. i think that i have to stop it all this summer.

am i really ready for the lonliest summer? i didnt like the lonely semester, but i spose i handled it. i survived it.

lets find out.

youll fall asleep with the windows open, come to me with the worst youve said and done, youll cross youre eyes and see that lifes much more meaningful, i stand no chance at all.

illegitimus non carborundum est