illuminate the no's

today i had a conversation with my mom about religion

i said i dont believe that hell exists. i dont believe the fallen angel thing. why would god allow it?

my mom said that she thinks she lived before. and this is her hell.

you know you bleed a little when your heart breaks

time runs out under the worst circumstances.
why cant we pocket our idle moments
and use them when we need?

long conversations that last too little but cross long distances but get us nowhere just as we start to progress.

blowing away my thoughts with smoke
though i cant get rid of the feelings
i want to catch every breath that you take away from me
but i can let them go willingly if i like
i cant pull
push
force or
coerce my emotions
but you can
mine
you can to mine

so now i deal with someone elses problems
because its too hard to deal with my own
i hate my own
useless

i wasnt about to make you an obligation
you never were never are
i love the way we are
no
how we were.
find me?

dont ever think that i dont care
dont ever tell me that i dont care
because one day
you mite just make it
so that
i dont

building in atlanta from the parkdesaturate me
35mm fun

ugh

stop being so goddamn convinced that you know exactly how im feeling.

and you, just fucking talk to me! its too hard being hated by someone who hates without knowing.

its a hard thing to be hated by someone you love.
someone because of whom you are hard and scarred.
someone for whom you thought and you think you would still give up so much for.
someone who hates you for something they asked of you.
someone who doesnt understand you.
its a hard thing to love someone who hates you.
its a hard thing when you think they may still love you too.

condiments

finally picked up that picture frame and put my prints in it. the framers did an amazing job at the mat board. so good.
i also bought a framed pastel of balsamico and olio. it was marked at 29,99 and somehow some scandalous sale price got it to me for 8,03.
unexpected sales on items youd really like to have but dont need, oh simplicity.
today was mollys last day here.
ill miss her.
we had a good time.
its hard to sum anything up for us.
so i wont.
nothing ot sum up. our adventure lives on.

i saw an indi film called placebo tonite. a dark comedy. a little funny. not a very good movie though. but the writer/director was the brother of a friend, so it was a good time nonetheless.

i had fish enchiladas. didnt sit well.

i saw some old ultimate buddys. that was cool. i miss ultimate. kmon new york.

i was thrown into a whirlwind that both shattered and built up glass walls around me. i got a text from someone i cant live without that sent me very disturbing vibes. thankfully it wasnt to the extent for which ive been called upon before. its a delicate matter when someone calls you with pills or razors in hand. its something that i never want to be contacted about but am so glad that i am called about. those are hard times. dont ever put yourself though them.

i think im gunna do some real writing tonite. ive missed my journal. so here i come.

goodnite world. i will see you tomorrow morning.

happy birthday mom. love you. cant wait for new york with you.