jesus' birthday

so i kinda tested how itd go and not once did i hear god or jesus mentioned all day, not even by my southern baptist grandmother.
wow.

in other news, i saw the good shepherd and i highly recommend it. basically amazing. basically gotta see it twice. basically three hours long.

im transferring, as i type, about thirty gigs of music to a new hard drive. its taking a while.

i went to molly's grandmother's for a get together where the gay cousin from alaska, who is amazing, who also went to nyu, atlantic, did a ventriliquist act with a puppet doctor. me maggie molly kelley hit up some karaoke. my favorite was so yesterday by that gurl who was lizzy maguire. i cant remember her name. i ate cold baked ziti and some really good roast beef. i also had some red velvet cake and a chocolate chip cookie or two.

i realized that i want to stay hard to a lot of things. i dont want to care. gurls need to be on the sidelines and my primary objective should be school. everyone always says this. so do their parents. rarely does it happen. why can we not hold the fleeting feeling for a moment longer so that we can remember how we felt when we felt it the first time? the next morning you have forgotten the feeling of the feeling but not the feeling itself. like kissing the one you can be with for a while. it gives you this life this veracity this drive to be something to change to be and become what you want at that moment. but after that it is but a feeling. a memory of a feeling. how dont you let go? how dont i let go when letting go is what im supposed to do?

matchbooks, oh simplicity

im wearing a shirt that smells like someone i want to remember. i want to remember the feeling of her bed her touch her sex her voice her mind.
this come rite after i said that gurls need not be central.
see what i mean about feelings?
no matter though, i have nothing else to focus on.

this is keeping me from writing in my journal as much. what will happen there? i need to find that pen i liked. oh ya, i left it in the car.

finding a good pen, oh simplicity.