so today was ok.
there were serious ups and no serious downs but some serious seriousness.
after i get called and hung up on after being asked how to roll a joint by a never long lost ex, i continued to watch others chow on some sushi and get way too drunk and then we headed to the belgian beer bar, thank god for good ale.
i miss belgium. its a really great place. plan on visiting? lemme know, i have some good places to go.
i got a tattoo today <.3 with chelsea.
i woke up at two, i dont know why, but ya, it was a late nite and then i edited some pictures. brett and i are havin pretty much the best time with this venture. well see how it goes.
i did it again.
tomorrow i have birth control at 930 and walter lippmann at two. kinda really stoked. kinda really love school. kinda really need a job.
so i went to bbq for some drinks after a little local falafel and i sat dead across the room, a good twenty feet from someone serious. i havent seen bay in five months. i havent gotten to hear her voice in about five weeks. a few late notes later and maybe we can see if we can handle it. can you?
if you let on that you are so tough, are you what you really are or are you what people perceive? or is what you really are what people perceive? its really the same as asking if youre completely alone, can anyone hear you?

Alexis Schuster: see, now THAT is an existential question if i ever heard one
Brett747: welcome to my life
Alexis Schuster: hahaha
Alexis Schuster: i think it's a mix of both, perosnally
Brett747: maybe
Alexis Schuster: i think that at base you are the way you are, but maybe people's perceptions of you help you to be more
Alexis Schuster: or less, depending
Brett747: but if it never gets tested by anyone, then you are what you talk yourself to be, because you are defined by society
Alexis Schuster: hmm
Alexis Schuster: but if you're defined by society, don't you think THAT is a kind of testing? as in, let's see if how you think of yourself lives up to what we think of you
Alexis Schuster: i think LIFE is testing
Brett747: the human self is not a preexisting form but shaped through social interaction
Alexis Schuster: what about hermits?
Brett747: the self imagines, the other judges
Alexis Schuster: the self judges as well though
Brett747: but life doesnt exist
Brett747: life isnt a judge
Alexis Schuster: hmm
Alexis Schuster: maybe
Brett747: and if the self is made to tell others one thing while knowing otherwise, it is trying to exist as that secondary thing, not the primary
Brett747: the self wants to exist as the second
Brett747: escaping from the first
Alexis Schuster: you do realize that it's past midnight
Alexis Schuster: and possibly i may not be able to argue as well as normal
Alexis Schuster: lol
Alexis Schuster: i see your point, though
Brett747: while the self may exist as the primary, it doesnt want to and it appears to all other who are the main judges and the only judges that count that the secondary is the 'true' self
Brett747: and this is aim
Brett747: were ridiculous
Alexis Schuster: yes
Alexis Schuster: but that's what makes us us
Alexis Schuster: yes
Alexis Schuster: but that's what makes us us
Alexis Schuster: okok, i see that, but i think that the other imagines- i tend to find that the times when i'm really frustrated with the way people are acting are when i assumed/imagined because of past experience or because of what i want or something that they are one way, but in realiity, i'm discovering they're not
Brett747: hm
Alexis Schuster: i think it's just a huge circle, personally
Brett747: and you judge and that is a definition of the person
Brett747: most likely
Alexis Schuster: mmm, but is definition the same as perception
Brett747: its understanding
Alexis Schuster: wait wair
Brett747: a common understanding
Alexis Schuster: ooooooooooh
Brett747: the way you perceive is the way in which you understand something
Alexis Schuster: ok, so you're saying that a definition is a common perception
Alexis Schuster: yes?
Brett747: and the way you communicate that understanding is through common definitions
Brett747: meh...they are connected
Alexis Schuster: mm
Brett747: i cant say flat out that they are =
Alexis Schuster: what what about percieving something you can't understand?
Alexis Schuster: no, agreed


welcome to my life

love is what makes this a life.
good thing im hated.

illegitimus non carborundum est